Wednesday, July 21, 2004

evening, twilight

A few days had passed. Phoeki hadn't been keeping too well. Yet she felt that her burning skin needed to be ignored. Her mother was sad. Ma would sit by the window for hours. The sun would set and she would continue to sit. Forget to put on the lights. At times like this Phoeki wanted to reach out and hug her, perhaps ask her to tell her stories like she used to when she was little. But she felt afraid, stuck.
And while the fever rose in her body she just sat quietly reading the book in the fading summer twilight.
For days now she hadn't run by the lake. She thought about it, but the feelings in the house were dark. A storm was about to break.
It was hard being young. Sometimes Phoeki would feel a bit sorry about herself. She wished she was prettier, she wished she would go for walks with her mommy. And why was physics so hard when she loved it so much.And why had she never been for a holiday with her parents ever. It was a bit strange. She was asked to write an essay in class, about her holiday. But they never went anywhere. She had never been to a beach. How was she going to write about a sunset on a beach. So she made up a moment. Sunset in Malibu beach. A name she had heard in a movie. She hadn't scored too well. Think it lacked details.
Home had an air of sickness. She wanted to grow up faster. Then she would run away and never come home for years, days. If she ran fast enough, her brain cells would forget what it was like being young. Maybe if she approached the speed of light, her body would go through a complete overhaul. A reorientation, a reinvention.